There was a very short time between when I came up with the idea to kind of re-vamp Typical Trendz (I'm calling it TT from now on because I'm lazy) and when I decided that I wanted to launch this site before Mental Health Awareness Month was over. While our mental health should always be on the forefront of our minds, for a very long time, it wasn't on mine.
I never knew how important this was and should be to me, until I realized that so many everyday actions were made harder due to my mental state. Now I know no one wants to take the time to sit down with themselves, check in, and see where changes can be made, but we have to. I'm sure if each one of us was to sit down with ourselves and make a list of all the things that make us happy and what makes us sad, it would open your eyes to some underlying problems you haven't addressed as well as solutions you never thought of.
MY LISTS
What makes me happy: What makes me sad:
-The fact that I’m done with college -The fact that I’m done with college
- My boyfriend -Not knowing when/ if I’ll find a job
- My health -My body
- My home -My mental health
- My family -How hard it’s been for me to get - My friends motivated
- The heart I have for others -Not being able to see most of my - My business friends/family
I'm going to start first with the things that make me sad or make some days harder than others. I'm writing this now, the day of my college graduation after having my virtual ceremony. I thought that it was going to at least be something live of our president saying our names, but it was just each slide the students made going up on the screen in a pre-made video. I feel weird. I keep getting asked, "How does it feel to be done with college forever!?" and I honestly don't know how to answer or how I feel. I'm grateful that I was able to get some sort of recognition, but having my 4 years of college and all that happened during that time end like this is a weird thing to process. I don't think it will really hit me until the fall comes around and I don't have to go back to school, and I don't know when I'm going to be able to get a job. It's a scary thing; all of this is a scary thing for so many different reasons, but it's something we are all facing and will all come out of still unsure of how we feel. The world is just so weird right now.
My body and my mental health are two things that are just a constant battle for me everyday. For those of you who don't know I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but I fought with it for a lot longer before being diagnosed. It was caused by a lot of things, but the overarching reason for how bad it got came from my own feelings about myself and as a reflection of my own self-worth. Anyone who suffers from anxiety or depression knows how hard it is, and even if you don't struggle with it personally I'm sure you've heard your own stories about it. Regardless, those are just stories and you'll never know how it actually feels and everyone who has anxiety and/or depression feels it differently.
**I'm going to put out there now that with everything that is going to be shared on here, I am not putting it out there for people to have pity for me or come to me and tell me how I feel is wrong and all that. I feel the way that I feel and I appreciate those who do feel for me and anything I share on here, but that's not what I'm trying to get out of doing this. I'm not trying to get anything out of this really. I just want to share and open up conversations I wish were had when I felt like I had no one to go to, when I felt alone, and I want to talk about the things that many of us deal with but don't want others to know. Just because I'm choosing to be open about these things doesn't mean I expect everyone to do the same, but I do hope it helps you feel less alone and helps you to see that talking about things like mental health doesn't need to be a bad or scary thing. Those who struggle with mental health tend to be a lot stronger than you may think.
Now that I got that out of the way, I want to address the issues I have with my body. I've always struggled with the fact that I have a small body overall but a big chest which always makes me look bigger. I know that having the chest size that I do is the reason why I look bigger in a lot of my clothes, but it's not always that easy to change my own view of myself. I get upset when I shop online and see all of these skinny girls with a nice sized chest who can wear anything and not seem like they're showing too much. I know half the shirts that they are wearing with the deep v-neck designs would look so much different on me, and I can't even wear strapless shirts without it looking like I'm going to lose my top. For those of you who don't know I got into a more active and healthy lifestyle a few years back in order to help my mental health and give myself an outlet, and I've had a lot of ups and downs with my transformations over the years.
Before I really started getting into fitness and such, I suffered from different eating disorders and just super unhealthy ways of living. I ended up losing and gaining weight back really quick, and for awhile I was doing really good at the gym and was happy with how I looked. However, every time something difficult was happening in my life it took my off track, and all the progress I made seemed to disappear. This is the same track that I'm on now, and I won't sugar coat it when I say it's the hardest thing in the world to get back into a healthy gym and eating routine when you went off the rails again, and again, and again. It's like pulling yourself out of a pool with wet clothes, and even though it would be much easier to just stay and float where it's easiest, eventually you have to pull yourself out before you get too weighed down and possibly drown.
All of this ties into my next point about getting motivated. This is something that makes a huge difference in what gets done and what doesn't. If you're not motivated to get up at a decent time and make the most of your day, you just drag and don't feel accomplished. If you're unmotivated to get to the gym or make yourself a healthy meal over whippin' it to Mickey D's, then you feel like shit later. Motivation is something that is incredibly rewarding but very hard to achieve and hold on to, but once you do, it's like an addiction. I've had my own good runs of staying motivated, but like I mentioned earlier when I have things come up that set me back, I lose my motivation for really anything and it sets me back even further. I think the way that I've learned to help myself get motivated again is to literally force myself out of bed at a decent time, plan out my day the night before, and force myself to do the things I want to do until I realize at the end of the day how much I got accomplished and how much better I feel. Repeat the next day, and the next, until I feel like I'm pursuing the lifestyle I want over just forcing myself to get shit done.
Now I'm going to say, out of the stuff that I write a lot more of it is going to be about the hard times. Sorry, you can stop reading now if you'd like more cupcakes and rainbows, but unfortunately without the hard times I wasn't able to get the help I needed, make the changes I needed, and get to these good and brighter times. It's just the truth. But, since I have come a long way, I do have a lot of good things in my life to share.
I truly believe I have the greatest friends and family in the world. Of course we have our own hard times and all, but I've been through a lot as far as finding out who my true friends are and they have been here for me through all the good and bad. My family is the most amazing support system I could ever ask for, and they've given me so much enabling me to become who I am today. Tim is the greatest human in the world and he was thrown into so much when he first met me and I'm so thankful it didn't scare him away (like seriously though I would have ran for the hills). While I have struggles with how I see my body, I am thankful that I'm healthy and have learned better ways to take care of myself.
For those of you who haven't seen and must live under a rock if so, I now have a new job working as my own boss for a company I've grown to be super passionate about. It scared me when I started to do my research and learn about all of the chemicals and crap that are in products I use all the time, and it feels good to be making a switch to healthier alternatives for hair and skincare and sharing the same information with others to change their lives. The products have definitely helped me to feel more confident, I've joined a huge community of successful men and women, and I get to make my own hours and work from anywhere meaning I won't miss out events I used to due to working jobs like retail. I'm not going to go crazy into detail about all of this on here, but I want to include it because learning this new sense of responsibly has given me more confidence and enhanced my overall lifestyle. This is something that can be worked as either a side gig or a single source of income, but I plan on getting a job in the career I want in addition to carrying this job on as well.
Lastly, not to go all off and say how I'm so good to others and all that, but I do really take pride and joy in extending the heart that I have. I wasn't always someone who cared to go out of my way for people or even try and take on other people's struggles as my own, but the older I've gotten and the more I've been through I've turned into someone who has grown to have such a huge heart for others. I've been given 18596 different reasons why I should care more about myself and not expect what I give out to others and blah blah blah, but I can't help it. I never want to be a person who says, "I know how you feel", because even if I go through the same things as you I never truly know how you feel or process things and I HATE when people try and act like they understand me when I know they don't. I want to be a person who says, "I'm here", "I'll listen", and take pride in the fact that I'm doing the best I can to be there for someone who needs it. Again I'm an open book and I've made plenty of my own mistakes that I've learned to take responsibility of, but no matter what I've done or what I've been through I can't tell someone that I've gone through that they have when our minds and hearts are so different.
I'm going to be breaking more of this down in future posts, but I just wanted to end this with a little piece of advice and something to think about.
Mental health is what I believe to be the most important thing in the world. It affects the way we act, respond to things, see things, talk about things, talk to others, handle things, EVERYTHING. If you don't think that taking care of your mental health helps in every aspect of your life you haven't done enough or the right things to help yourself, and I'm not some licensed Psychologist but I can and will help if needed. I've been through the hard and ugly, I've been at the bottom and never thought I could get out of the holes I put myself in more times than I can remember, but I am strong because of it.
There are so many things going on around us and with people we both know well and maybe barely at all, but if I can ask one thing out of those of you who are reading this, I ask you to just take the time to realize and remember that. Everyone has their reasons for acting the way that they do, everyone has their own issues and struggles you don't know about, so be kinder and take those things into consideration just like you wish people would have done for you when you were struggling.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. This is how I want to help myself and others and hopefully make a change to the stigmas about mental health and that the only people who need to worry about their mental health are those with anxiety, depression, etc. We all need to care for ourselves and care for others in the process. You have NO IDEA how some words you say to someone can affect them once they walk away from your view, and if we all just take the time to understand that we all have our internal struggles (KEY WORD INTERNAL!) and talk to and care for each other accordingly, I'm sure you would feel better and feel better about those you come in contact with.
Happy Mental Health Awareness Month
This should be every month, day, hour, (you get it)
Don't ever put a limit to how often you check in and care for yourself.
I'm always here when you need.
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